Frustration all over!!!
I'm really not in the best of moods today. I attribute it to mood swings. But honestly, it is through this feeling that I really feel I dare to say things coz im in just a heck care mode now. Okay let's start.
I feel frustrated when I also have to keep listening to everyone and all their opinions. And when it comes to me saying things, some would look disinterested or think whatever I say are is nonsense, or simply just wanna move on to something else. Hello.... SHOW SOME RESPECT CAN! I mean seriously, as much as i want to play a listening ear, there are times i rather people listen to me! Goodness, do I look like i don't have any worries or concerns at all??? Talk about caring for others. Why bother when no one bothers abt you?
I feel frustrated when I keep getting coerced into doing something or going for something. I realise I've been always out or doing something that i have no ME TIME! I need a break from everyone... I need to just stay at home or be somewhere by myself for some self-rejuvenation. I know I'm young and all the energy in the world, but I think it's self healing to just spend some ME TIME. It's either there's this place to go too, this party to attend, this church event or meeting to go. I seem to have to fit what i wanna do according to these things, which is frustrating me a hell lot! It doesn't help that I dont quite get the weekends to myself too. Ya that's what happens when ya in a relationship, you have to be out on a WEEKEND! It doesnt help that my BF LOVES TO CLUB TOO! argh!
I feel frustrated when I dont get the due recognition I deserve. At work, I have a boss who see pass me as just a girl with no work experience and just a degree. I've been taken off projects and given to either the seniors or some undeserving souls. I feel i'm not proving my true capabilities and given task I want to do. Now that he's gng, perhaps things might change. Also, for others, a simple thing such as an idea i have can be taken from someone and others would praise this person or agree with this person, simple because he/she is more outspoken than me. Do i really look like a blardy push over?? I'm too nice that's why! I shld not keep wanting to claim credit, it's just too proud of me.
I feel frustrated that I cannot make my own decisions and that I will tend to regret any other decisions I make. I feel I am not strong enough to say NO AND SORRY I CANNOT. Perhaps I dont want to disappoint. It's just taking a toil on me and people say why am i like that, why can't i join them or go or something. I don't have time for myself is simply because of YOU ALL! argh!!!!!
Take tonight for example. I have planned to watch this show at the esplanade with Kevin at 9.30pm. Then came this sms from him at 8ish am today, telling me his aunt wants to go to the wake, and coz he wants to take the car, he will send her there and back. Okay, fine. Go along then. Later, a friend asked what time we heading to zouk tonight, queue starts at 9pm. (my bf loves zouk, anything to do with it, he'll go) Apparently, he wanted to try his luck to rush down and get a chop before heading to esplanade. This is where it frustrates me. We have a show to catch at 9.30pm and they have a no late seating policy, so no matter what 9.30pm is the latest. But no, our dear friend actually wanted to go and try and get tat chop and thinks we can get to esplanade like in 5 mins? It's a freaking friday! Jams aplenty especially at the esplanade side! I just dont like to rush for something that I've planned 2-3 weeks back. I hate it when I have to accomodate to all these last min additions. I just dont quite understand why can I take my time to go to the esplanade without having to worry about rushing. I hate this feeling, but it simply shows i have to freaking accomodate to everyone!
My conclusion is this: No one bothers and cares about how I feel. No one understands me and my reason. No one including my boyfriend.
get out of my way!
