I'm really not in the best of moods today. I attribute it to mood swings. But honestly, it is through this feeling that I really feel I dare to say things coz im in just a heck care mode now. Okay let's start.
I feel frustrated when I also have to keep listening to everyone and all their opinions. And when it comes to me saying things, some would look disinterested or think whatever I say are is nonsense, or simply just wanna move on to something else. Hello.... SHOW SOME RESPECT CAN! I mean seriously, as much as i want to play a listening ear, there are times i rather people listen to me! Goodness, do I look like i don't have any worries or concerns at all??? Talk about caring for others. Why bother when no one bothers abt you?
I feel frustrated when I keep getting coerced into doing something or going for something. I realise I've been always out or doing something that i have no ME TIME! I need a break from everyone... I need to just stay at home or be somewhere by myself for some self-rejuvenation. I know I'm young and all the energy in the world, but I think it's self healing to just spend some ME TIME. It's either there's this place to go too, this party to attend, this church event or meeting to go. I seem to have to fit what i wanna do according to these things, which is frustrating me a hell lot! It doesn't help that I dont quite get the weekends to myself too. Ya that's what happens when ya in a relationship, you have to be out on a WEEKEND! It doesnt help that my BF LOVES TO CLUB TOO! argh!
I feel frustrated when I dont get the due recognition I deserve. At work, I have a boss who see pass me as just a girl with no work experience and just a degree. I've been taken off projects and given to either the seniors or some undeserving souls. I feel i'm not proving my true capabilities and given task I want to do. Now that he's gng, perhaps things might change. Also, for others, a simple thing such as an idea i have can be taken from someone and others would praise this person or agree with this person, simple because he/she is more outspoken than me. Do i really look like a blardy push over?? I'm too nice that's why! I shld not keep wanting to claim credit, it's just too proud of me.
I feel frustrated that I cannot make my own decisions and that I will tend to regret any other decisions I make. I feel I am not strong enough to say NO AND SORRY I CANNOT. Perhaps I dont want to disappoint. It's just taking a toil on me and people say why am i like that, why can't i join them or go or something. I don't have time for myself is simply because of YOU ALL! argh!!!!!
Take tonight for example. I have planned to watch this show at the esplanade with Kevin at 9.30pm. Then came this sms from him at 8ish am today, telling me his aunt wants to go to the wake, and coz he wants to take the car, he will send her there and back. Okay, fine. Go along then. Later, a friend asked what time we heading to zouk tonight, queue starts at 9pm. (my bf loves zouk, anything to do with it, he'll go) Apparently, he wanted to try his luck to rush down and get a chop before heading to esplanade. This is where it frustrates me. We have a show to catch at 9.30pm and they have a no late seating policy, so no matter what 9.30pm is the latest. But no, our dear friend actually wanted to go and try and get tat chop and thinks we can get to esplanade like in 5 mins? It's a freaking friday! Jams aplenty especially at the esplanade side! I just dont like to rush for something that I've planned 2-3 weeks back. I hate it when I have to accomodate to all these last min additions. I just dont quite understand why can I take my time to go to the esplanade without having to worry about rushing. I hate this feeling, but it simply shows i have to freaking accomodate to everyone!
My conclusion is this: No one bothers and cares about how I feel. No one understands me and my reason. No one including my boyfriend.
Yesterday was a day i dont think I can quite forget. It was a day of news, both good and bad. Let's start with the bad news or what I shld say SAD news. Ard 10ish in the morning, a friend msned me and broke the news that a friend's mum just passed away. Shock is just a small word that described my feelings when I read it. I couldn't believe it. It was a long battle with cancer, liver cancer to be exact. There were signs of recovering but it striked again and this time it was too late. Though I dont know the mum well enough, she did come across as someone really nice and accomodating, sweet and at peace. The loss will indeed be great, but I'm glad to see the family holding on strong for her and for themselves.
God Bless you Auntie, for you are with HIM in the Kingdom of Heaven.
Now for the other news. I also dunno whether to call it good news, but perhaps news which most of my colleagues been waiting to hear. My immediate boss has resigned. He called for a meeting yesterday to announce his decision. He said it was mixed feelings and that he felt he needed something else to motivate him. Well, I do think his worth in the company is dwindling down. Personally, he really needs to move to a new environment. It will do him some good. See more of the world out there and realise that Life is much more than just him alone.
Anyway, we kinda knew tis will happen, but did not anticipate it to be so soon. My colleagues and I were even talkin abt it during lunch. He broke the news after lunch. Well, I've only been in the organisation for like a yr odd, I have heard stories about him and I've experienced a little of it. He is someone not easy to work with, coz he's a micro manager. But that's history now. The future of my department is somewhat blurred now. With us being unsure what is our new direction. It doesn't quite help when the organisation itself is gng through a transformation. It is definately going to be a trying period for me.
It used to be that because my boss is such a bad leader, that it contributed to my decision to leave. But now that he's leaving, will I still want to leave? Perhaps the morale will be upped and I won't leave just yet. But then again, i really dun want to be stucked in events for life. I guess I'll start deciding again after my Melbourne event.
Body for Life starts today! First meal was Ham Sandwich (wholemeal bread) I will be visiting the gym for cycle class later. Looks like a good start for me!
I was at the gym on Monday and was reading this article of a housewife who has put on the pounds since her delivery of her 3rd child. She didn't like how her body turned out; fat and flabby. She looked haggard. Last yr, GNC and Urban supplement had a contest on who can lose the weight and stay trim in 4 weeks. This housewife won and she is a Planet Fitness gym member. How she achieved it? One word and that's Motivation. Of course she had professional help to guide her, but it was her motivation or will power to want to lose the weight and stay trim and fit. Now, she's looking great, all toned and fit, and definately happier and younger looking. Basically, she looks great!! She worked hard, visiting the gym everyday, watching her diet, pushing herself to conquer the stairmaster.
I read with awe. I really want to be like her. I'm younger and therefore it should be easier for me. But I just dont quite have that sort of motivation. I look around me, among my peers, my colleagues, strangers on the roads and everyone looks just right, no flabby arms, no wiggling bottoms, no big round faces and no tummies to show. It's been almost a yr since i joined the gym and still i see no results. I have no lost weight, I look bigger coz of the muscles, I still feel lethargic... etc. Why have i not achieve positive results? I guess one good reason would be I'm not motivated at all! I still snack on chocolates, chips, fries, ice-cream. I only gym about twice a week on an average. It doesn't help that I sit on my big bum every weekday from 9am to 6pm. Of coz it also doesn't help that no one in Junction 8 sells healthy food such as sandwiches or soup!
Okay, I'm ranting on too much. I feel something must be done. I have to get rid of the weight i put on when I was in Melbourne. I need to stop feeling hungry and greedy all the time. I shld stop all these! I need to up my gym routine, attend more body pump and combat classes. I need to be and stay motivated. One thing the housewife taught me was how she pushed herself to the limit and to give that extra push to ya body. She said no matter how painful and torturous the stairmaster was, she told herself, just one more step to go. I need to adopt this "I can do it" attitude. If given a chance and the monetary ability, I would hire a personal trainer to guide me.
To help me stay motivated and achieve my goals, I have managed to find guiding tools. This website, www.itrain.com , is a downloadable mp3 trainer that performs the role as a personal trainer, assisting you on how to tackle the treadmill, cycling machine, stairmaster, weights and dance. It is rather affordable if you take up the 1 yr plan or the monthly plans. I might give this a shot, especially for treadmill and stairmaster. Besides increasing my gym visits, I need to change my eating habits. I'm not eating enough fruits and taking in too much carbohydrates. I need to stop feeling hungry so frequently too. I must stop being tempted. I read in the recent 8days mag on this 5 meals a day diet. This is how it works:
Each meal should not be above a certain calorie intake and the portion has to remain small. By doing this, you prevent your body from feeling hungry, more so this help to increase the metabolism rate. If you leave your body to hunger, it will slow the metabolism rate as it goes into starvation mode. If I were to follow this routine, my meals should look like this:
9am - a bowl of cereal/ wholemeal bread with tuna/ham noon- soup noodle or rice with veg/meat 3pm - a bowl of grapes/fruits 6pm - less rice, more veg/fish/ lean meat 9pm - yogurt/fruits/ a bar of chocolate
The idea of this is to maintain a certain amount of calorie intake, so that you will not take in more calories than expected for the day. The above plan looks wholesome and healthy, but the unfortunate thing is that in Singapore, this is really quite impossible. How do you resist dishes like Char Kway Teow, Chicken/duck/roasted pork rice, lor mee, wanton mee, satay, mee goreng, roti prata? Of coz, there will be the occassional late night suppers of bak ku teh, nasi lemak, etc.
See the dilemma now?
Nevertheless, I'll try to strive to achieve something. I should start a Body for Life challenge on myself. Yup... I shall do that!
My goal: to lose 5 kg in 4months = 1 dress size, 2 inches off my waist line, a toner body, a healthier body.
I shall start from tomorrow, 20 April 2006. Leaves me with today with all that useless, senseless snacking.
Okay, you will be my witness. By 20 August 2006, I should and will achieve my goal.
My strategy
- To gym 3-4 times a week. No more excuses of it being far or classes are boring. I will participate in classes, run on the threadmill for 30 mins at least, climb the stairmaster for 20 mins at least, and weights training. - To eat a balanced diet. I will introduce fruits to my every meal. Drink more water and try to maintain a 5 meal diet. - To sleep early (no more 2am nights on weekdays) - Stay out of late night supper as much as I can. - Reduce alcohol intake and no weekly drinking sessions.
I think the beginning weeks will be tough, but this will train my will power.
As of today, Monday, 17 April 2006, I am officially a SINGAPOREAN! Like finally!! I waited 23 years of my life for this. I can finally tell others that I am Singaporean and carry Pink IC and no longer need to explain why I carrY a Blue IC.
Now.... will i get to VOTE, since GE is approaching soon? But I dont think my GRC has any opposition. I missed out on the progress package too. But oh well, I wouldn't have gotten alot anyway.
Anyway, I'm still awaiting for my PINK IC and passport, I would need to wait abt 2-3months time to take them because I would need to recite the National Pledge and sing the National Anthem with a few hundred people.
Finally another long weekend ahead. This Friday is Good Friday and so it's a public holiday which means NO WORK! The joy of each working person. I'm going to use this holiday period to really rest well and sleep enough, of which both i'm seriously lacking off. Better yet, I'm on leave on Monday to finish off my citizenship application. To those who do not know yet, my application for Singapore Citizenship has been approved and next Monday I shall take my Oath. Give it one more week, I will be a true blue Singaporean (about time!). To those who also don't know, I'm actually Malaysian, but no I was not born in Malaysia, my birth hospital is Mount Alvernia. It's because my parents are both Malaysian and Singaporean PR, that I was given the Malaysian status. So now that I've finished my studies, got a job, I finally applied for my citizenship. So at the moment, I'm citizenless, I dont belong to Malaysia anymore and not fully accepted into Singapore. Ha!
Things are moving pretty slowly in the office, but it'll pick up soon with a couple of projects coming up. The organisation has been going through some phase in it's lifecycle and everyone is just waiting to hear the direction we're movin towards too. But one thing I'm quite certain is that I'm really ready to leave this company, it dawned upon me a couple weeks back when i realised this isn't what I want to do and I should leave as soon as I can before i become so out of touch that in 5 yrs time, I become useless. At the moment, I will still hang on here, but I've been searching and hoping to get something soon. Been praying hard for a change. I have to make better decisions next time!
Alright, about time to leave already. 6pm is my favourite time!
Finally I have the time to blog about my trip. Actually, it is gng to be a little long but heck, bear with me k.
18 March 2006 Kevin and I started our trip early in the morning, 4.30am to be exact. We roamed ard Changi Airport T2 anxiously awaiting our first return to Melbourne after our studies. Our flight there by Austrian Air was not too bad, it wasn't a full flight and so we had more than even seat space for our 7 hrs flight.
We got out of Melbourne airport without much difficulty, and waited for Jiarong, Rachael and Kelvin to pick us up. We felt we never left Melbourne at all. Everything still looks the same and feels the same. We headed straight to Lygon street for dinner, had my favourite gelato for dessert and ended up in Crown to satisfy some other's gambling habits. We ended our night early and headed to Peter's place (kevin's ex housemate) in Moorabin. Finally met his wife, Melinda too.
19 March 2006 Started the day at Camberwell Market. The place really never change a bit. The same old vendors are still there, just an occasional new ones sprouting around. Luckily for me, I didn't buy much except for a vintage tube dress which cost only $35. Went down town to meet Sarah for Sunday Mass followed by lunch at Mekong. That place still doesn't impress me much though. After lunch, we collected our rented car at Thrifty. By a stroke of good luck or blessing, we were upgraded from a Mitsubishi Lancer to a Mitsubishi 380 at the lancer price. You'll never drive a 3.8l car in Singapore. The car was huge and spacious. Love it! We went to pick Sam, rae and elaine and headed to the new DFO Essendon. It's as big as the Moorabin DFO but i reckon had better outlets. Kevin and I went a little crazy at DFO, we bought quite a no. of things, we had some great buys at FCUK, Gant, Dotti, Industrie, etc. The damaged done for the day was quite bad actually. For dinner, we met up with Kevin's family friends, afterwhich we proceeded to Jiarong's place for a night of Poker. Met Danny that night too.
20 March 2006 Kevin and I headed to Olinda for our 2 days stay at this not too bad Cottage. The lady of the cottage, Helen, was really a nice lady. She single-handedly mainted the place. The cottage was part of an old nunnery. Helen bought this place and renovated it into a b&b with two cottages of each side and she residing in the middle of the two cottages. Her service was impeccable. Making sure we were comfortable. It's always great to head up to Mt. Dandenong. Of coz we had our Pies. Nothing beats the pies up there! Sam, Rae, their friend Elaine, Tarn and her bf Dave joined us for Tea and scones at Miss Marple's Tea Room. Delicious. We ended our night watching our rented DVDs infront of a flaming fireplace.
21 March 2006 Helen made us a really delicious Aussie Brekkie. Afterwhich, we headed to Healsville Sanctuary to see some Australian wildlife. Spent almost the entire afternoon there. Headed back for an early dinner at Credo for some simple aussie meal of fish and chips and pasta before we returned to watch more DVDs.
22 March 2006 Time to return to Melbourne. Met up with Kevin's ex classmates for lunch at Caufield. We headed back to Seng Heng for their fried garlic chicken/pork with rice. Kevin had a tour of the campus again with two new additions, the new IT building and the multi storey carpark. We said our goodbyes and headed to Queen Vic night market. Bought some stuff and had a pretty good australian outback meal of Crocodile, emu, camel and Kangaroo meat. My favourite was the Camel meat, it was pretty tender. At night, we headed to Jiarong's place for Sam's 'SURPRISE' bday party. Our dear friend had to work on his bday, however, he kinda knew abt it when he heard a few of us fussing over the candles and the cake. But nevertheless i'm sure he had a great time. To kick off the birthday for him, we ended up in Crown. Cant' remember if he won $$.
23 March 2006 Woke up late and was almost late for lunch appt with kevin's FSV classmate's at Chapel Street. It was shopping after lunch. I really missed Chapel Street and all it has to offer. Each boutique is just so unique. And Yes, I finally bought something from Greville Street. My damages of the day were a pair of Grab jeans, a pair of Joe's Jeans, 1 mini skirt from an australian designer, and a QBF top. Kevin bought more, he bought a few shirts from several labels Tang and Co carries. The night was spent at Carilyn and Evangeline's new apartment on Elizabeth Street. It was their housewarming. Jeremy was invited as well and we had a good time meeting new friends and playing pictionary. We went for late night drinks at the Melbourne Supperclub where Tarn's bf works at.
24 March 2006 This day was spent shopping at Bridge road and Smith street. The shopping wasn't that great cept for a few good buys from Adidas, Nike and a couple more shops. By evening, we headed to the Melbourne Exhibition Centre for the Badminton Semi Finals. Because it was more of an Australian games, we didn't quite know whether Singapore made it even to the Semi-finals. Luckily for us, we managed to catch the ladies doubles semi-finals between Singapore and England. Singapore won. The interesting matches were actually from malaysia. They are really world class and as a Malaysian (then) I was proud to see them win Australia. After the games, we met up with Claire and Clifton at Greco's in Crown. It was nice to see them again and catch up. We spent about 3 hours chatting.
25 March 2006 Together with Sarah, Carilyn, Evan, Rachael, Jiarong, Kelvin, Si Tian and Yong Si, we took an hr's drive to Mornington Peninsula to pick strawberries. The place is called Sunny Ridge. It's a small place but the strawberries were really delicious and sweet. I plucked the big ones and kevin plucked the smaller ones. Bought some jams and had the strawberry icecream. Yums. Headed to the beachside for fish & chips. Headed back to Melbourne late afternoon to shop at DFO Moorabin. Again, bought more tops and belts. At night was spent eating at Greasy Joe's at St Kilda. Meal was good, burger was big, but I couldn't finish. The night ended with clubbing at Room 680. I finally after so long danced in Room 680. The place looks like an old warehouse, music was not bad, but the crowd could have been better.
26 March 2006 We went for the Table Tennis finals. We were in time to catch the ladies singles finals (SIN vs SIN). Lin Jiawei looked listless while playing. I could see her frustrations and irritation while playing the game. Zhang Xueling was obviously too good for her. The 7 rounds were exciting, but unfortunately Lin Jiawei didn't looked too happy winning silver. Too bad, better luck next time. The better matches were actually the Men's singles bronze match, between Wales and Nigeria. Obviously, we have not heard these 2 countries being good at table tennis, but these 2 put up a great fight and displayed a great game. The drama that enfolded during the match when Wales was winning really did a drastic turn for the Nigerian. Thanks to his broken bat, he pushed himself and came round to win the entire match. The India vs Australia match was pretty exciting too, of coz with the home crowd supporting the australian, he did put up a good game but still not as good as India. We met Peter, Pan and Christine for dinner at this steakhouse at Toorak Rd. Not too bad, but as usual it's too much. The rest of the night was spent packing the luggages.
27 March 2006 Our final day to do any last minute shopping. We headed to the city to make final purchases for our family members. I also took this day to do some work for an upcoming event in May. In the evening, we met up with Carilyn, Evan, Sarah, Tarn and Dave for a game of pictionary, followed by dinner at Victoria Street. Left early to meet Sam, Rae, Kelvin, Si Tian to play poker.
28 March 2006. Last day of the holiday. Did our final packing before heading to the city to return the car. Had lunch at Crown, followed by a last game of poker for Kevin. Arrived at the airport a lil late, the queue was extremely long. Everyone was returning after the commonwealth games. Reached Singapore at 10.45pm. Back to reality.
There you have it. My summary of the 10 days I was in Melbourne. I should be heading back in May again but it would be for work. For Kevin, it could be a while later till he visits the place. Though the visit was pretty tight and tiring, it was nevertheless fruitful and enjoyable. A big shout out to Sam, Kelvin, Jiarong, Rachael, Rae, Carilyn, Sarah, Evan and Tarn for making our trip enjoyable and fun. Thank you for the company and I hope you enjoyed our company too.
