I know my worth as a Friend I finally realised what worth i have as a friend. ZERO... or at least minimal in each of my so called friend's mind. Nope.. they didnt tell me straight in the face.... but nonverbal behaviour tells it all. Maybe i'm too sensitive...but i believe some common gestures should occur when one sees u.. especially if you've known them for quite awhile.
shld i be blunt and say who.... i rather not. I'm not saying these people aren't nice people.. or aren't the best of friends. I treat them all the same... i choose to value their friendship... coz i realised friendship is wat i'm lacking in my life now to make it complete. I don't know if it's just me as a person... like i'm not approachable to say hi too or talk too... but i guess after today.. i do realise.... my worth. I'm not a friend to them... but has been demoted to mere acquantances (did i spell that right?).
I dont wish to have people being so excited when they see me, i'm not all that popular... but why i didn't even deserve a decent HI.. HOW ARE YOU? Only a person who's insignificant doesnt get that greeting. Even when i did say hi..... the response was.... hmm.... i dunno how to describe.
Question... is it because i've not participated in any of the activities u guys have.. that i'm out of the friendship circle. Is it because i never call to chit chat or bitch around that i lost that special title to be your friend. Is it because i'm simply a terrible person with no heart, feelings or whatsoever that led things to such extent?
I dunno which one is it... but i reckon its one of those.
I'm too boring??? maybe...
I can't gossip and bitch that much??? maybe....
I can't hold a proper conversation??? maybe....
I'm too quiet??? maybe....
I have no communications skills??? maybe....
what's the point of learning human relationships now this sem... when i feel things are just getting worst.
I asked someone today.. what will he/she miss here in melbourne. The response is all of his/her friends whom he/she became closed with this year... but i'm not in it. I feel saddened by that. I dont blame him/her.
I guess it is clear.... my issues with friendships.. or what i should say as lasting friendships will forever plagued me and my life.
I am sad... but i feel it's too late to really rectify anything.
I'm gng home anyway.... maybe a new life ahead?
but uni is such a stepping stone in my life.... i hate to leave her with a bad thought and feeling.
