Character no good....then gambling game no good...then the luck will always be no good. That above statement is taken from a Hongkong movie about gambling, emphasing on the game of mah jong! I totally agree with that above statement! The leading actor, Mr Andy Lau aka Mah jong Warrior, said that sentence to his ex gf, Gigi Leung aka The bitch who throws tantrums each times she loses. It makes so much sense...in real life. Well.. at least to me.. and I have proof! To some people.. who might know and have witnessed, each time i lose $$ in casino... i kinda get really upset and would start throwing a little tantrum. I just couldn't believe I'll keep losing $$. Well.. then.... yesterday.. kevin and myself headed to casino.. to earn our free parking..and this time i decided to not gamble and be a really patient and nice girl when kevin plays. And guess what... each game (pokies, rapid roulette, blackjack) he played.. he won money.. and I did not throw any fit or what not to him.
I think... i must control myself.... i have to change my character. That above sentence does not apply to gambling only.. in fact Andy Lau in the show also said... character no good, everything else u do.. will not be good too. That is so true. I reflected upon myself, in terms of my character and i conclude I have changed... whether its for worst or better... i think what i've become is more of a negative point than a positive one.
here's why:
I swear more... the word FUCK is a regulary vocabulary/expression for me. (Those who knows me for years... i do not swear at all... i find it hard to let that word out..!) I throw tantrums... i will grumble... make noise.. if i dont get what i want.. do what i want to do... and yes... if i lose loads of $$. (I never throw tantrums...i never show face too.... in the past) I become ruder... sometimes dont think before i say (I won a courtesy award before in school... so what u think! sigh...)
Those above are some of the many changes i've made since maybe after poly. It seems i've toughen up myself, but there goes my good girl image too. It's bothering me... and many are judging me for that.. One is GOD... second is myself/ my conscious.... third.. those around me.
I attribute my miserable life now to my character... my not niceness that's affecting every bit of my life.
Maybe life will be better if i do the following:
stop swearing
be patient
control temper
be nicer
stay humble
start doing assignments early
stop gambling
go for classes
go to church
smile more
be sincere
be generous to charity
be more helpful to the poor and weak
stop being so cynical
Easier said than done. I just want to die a happy person.. to know that i led a good life... knowing i did the right things... and that my conscious is clear. Not that i want to cleanse my body to be totally pure... but enough to know I am a good person.. and that when i judge myself.. and when GOD judge me on judgement day... i know... what i did and what i change to do the right thing is right.
self criticsim is the best sort of reflection anyone can get.... accepting self criticsim and working on it is the toughest anyone can achieve. If one can achieve by changing for the better, that person will go a long way... and everything will be right for u.
as Andy lau in the movie said...
if character becomes better, everything u do will become better, and that includes mahjong
