its week 13.. final week of semester 1 and I am SICK! sigh.... gotten the flu and the cough... sigh. Got like a test this weds, and 5 journals due tom.. and guess what..I'm barely half way done, in fact i've not touched on my journals yet! Shitty.. really shitty!
I need rest, but i can't rest.
Trying hard to read finish one chapter before driving class, but looks like I dont have that will-power. Last week of sch.. and things have to be screwed up!!
More bad news.... kevin's hp was stolen.. his car was broken into yesterday when we went to the city. The left front passenger window screen was smashed! Glass everywhere. Kevin left his hp in the car.. and therefore the break in. Thankfully the robber is stupid, he took the phone only, but not the rest of the things in the car, or in fact the car itself. There wasa bag inside with a camera and some other belongings, there's a cd player as well, plus my big kermit is inside. Best part of it all, kevin knew he left his hp in the car but was lazy to go back and get.
sigh.. made a police report, but cannot claim insurance coz he only applied for third party insurance (means he's not covered). So, today.. we brought the car to a mechanic...to give the car a new look. It's ex!! very ex! $2150 for change of the whole exterior, the broken windscreen, and spray paint the whole car. This whole week got no car to drive!!! argh!!!! and i wanna club this weekend... looks like its off!
Oh well.. I can't wait till end of weds, which marks my start of exam period.. or a temporary break till i start to prepare for exams. till then.. I have to finish studyin for the test, and finish the 5 journals.
today has been the worst day of the year!!! i am the world's most FUCKED UP girlfriend.. anyone can find.. or have! I didn't plan anything special for kevin for his birthday, and i know he's upset and disappointed in. I can't find any excuses, i'm the wrong... and i feel fucking lousy even now. we went by city aimlessly in the car, couldn't even make it to one proper destination of interest.... i would get angry if i had such a crap birthday!
I think this is it for me.... the really end i can ever go as a gf... i feel so tired now.. sick with sore throat, stress from school, lack of sleep.. and now.. the feeling of total guilt!
Life's shitty now.... kevin deserves a better bday than this.... now what's he gng to say to pple on what he did on his bday?? the answer.. NOTHING.
Finally strategic issues is over!! Presentation was today.. and well.. honestly i felt it was pretty bad. I thought we could have done better, but well.. its over! Alvina did well though, handled the questions well. KUDUS! The whole presentations were like 5 hrs lor!!!! so freaky tired... and hungry! If everyday like that.. sure lose weight!
went home... cooked a quick meal of risotto with yesterday's leftover sausages. Moved ard a bit.... dunno why too. Then ard 11pm went K-mart with keith and samuel. Thought i cld get something there for kevin.. his bday this fri. Pretty fun... just walk ard.. and window shop, they wanted to get out of the house and just walk walk.
Now... me really tired. eyes twitching and all... lack of sleep pple.. lack of sleep!! time to sleep now...
seems like everyone is talking abt friendship in their blog. I guess maybe its bcoz i really want to treasure the friendships that i have that i felt what i felt last night, hence the blog entry.
I have not cherished friendships in the past, and i want to make up for it with the friendships i have now... but i guess it's been awhile hence i 'lost' the touch to be a really good friend to others. However, I'm happy to know there are pple who actually cares. However, it is still difficult to maintain a good relationship, a lot needs to be done. I'm no longer that young, everything i do now will affect my future, and i want a good and peaceful future. I can no longer make silly mistakes, I have to think for myself coz i'm the only one who's responsible for my life. I make my choices... i choose my life... God chose me to be born in this world to teach me the meaning of life, to give me a chance to make an impact.. to be a true human being.
I rem when i first entered Mass Comm, the most impactful module i had was Written Communication. Sounds boring.. and so what right? Well.. this lecturer he was different, though not very original after 3 yrs there, he did try to teach something about life. That life is about choices. I didn't really understood then.. was young and innocent. But now.. i truly understand why...as one grows older, you know the choices u make and the decisions u choose upon does make the greatest impact in your life. Do i want to look back when Im 60 yrs old and reflect upon the choices i've made, and regret them?
What Choices then should I make? What choices then should i change? What are your choices in life? What are you going to do to make your life more meaningful?
I hold the power to choose... I have to be true to myself...I want to be happy!
its been an okay tuesday... i RECKON. Forced myself out of the bed to go for my people skill's class. WE did filming today on what we have learned from People Skills. Had fun, always have fun for this class. I was known as GRUMPY Sharon... hhehe i had some acting role in it too... too bad u guys won't have the chance to watch it. haa ha
Went home after that to rest...almost didnt want to go for street latin, but I'm glad i did, needed the workout. I wish i can rem the steps after the class ends, so i can go home and teach my mama and papa, so that they can show off durinf all those dinner and dances they attend. I had driving class after street latin class, instructor was late coz she thought the pick up point was my house, but it was in sch. I had a pretty good session, didn't do much, but felt more comfortable with the half clutch thing, didn't fall off the slope and all. I really hope i can have my test by end june.. cross fingers!
Went home again after, prepared potato salad for my dinner, finally took in my clothes from the clothes hangers. Tidied up my room, brought kermit out and put him in the car, tested some cds, then went to sch for grp discussion. Tomorrow is my Strategic issues' presentation, and my group is the first grp to kick start the presentation for the whole module. Frankly, i aint that confident that we will do that well, not as well as last yrs management.. but i guuess.. we will do just fine. I hope the lecturers would be lenient... pls???
now.. i'm just nuahing... gng to bilo later to buy some stuff...daniel will be driving.
I feel funny... the can't be bothered feeling.. the leave me alone feeling... i dunno. It definately aint PMS... dunno.. maybe lack of sleep? I dunno... i just feel.. well i dun even know how to describe how i feel. sigh..... i need to snap out of my this mood if not.... hai..
the latest POWER GIRL song ard... and i think it's damn powerful! This is the latest lyrics to the 'Fuck you right back' song by Frankee, the response song to Eamon's "Fuck I dont want you"...
Oh oh
Oooh
No no no
(You know there is two sides to every story)
See I don't know why you cryin' like a bitch
Talkin' shit like a snitch
Why you write a song 'bout me
If you really didn't care
You wouldn't wanna share
Tellin' everybody just how you feel
What I did was your fault somehow
The presents,I threw all that shit out
Don't go cryin' you didn't mean jack
Well guess what your,fuck you right back
What I did was your fault somehow
The presents,I threw all that shit out
Don't go cryin' you didn't mean jack
Well guess what your,fuck you right back
You thought you could really make me moan
I had better sex all along (ha ha ha ha)
I had to do your friend
Now you want me to come back
You must be smokin' crack
Im goin' else where and thats a fact
Fuck all those nights I moaned real loud
Fuck it,I faked it,i'll rent you out
Fuck all those nights you thought you broke my back
Well guess what your,your sex was wack
Fuck all those nights I moaned real loud
Fuck it,I faked it,i'll rent you out
Fuck all those nights you thought you broke my back
Well guess what your,your sex was wack
Whoa whoa
Uh uh yea
Whoa whoa
Uh uh yea
Whoa whoa
Uh uh yea
Whoa whoa
Uh uh yea
You questioned did I care
Maybe I would howl if you wanna come to me
Now it's over
But I do admit i'm glad I didn't catch your crabs
I can't swear bad cause I got to go
What I did was your fault somehow
The presents,I threw all that shit out
Don't go cryin' you didn't mean jack
Well guess what your,fuck you right back.
hi pple... i'm helping a friend who's selling his tee designs.... if you really love the designs.... do check out the website for more details ye. He has some really good designs, female line coming out soon!
this is his website, titled visualterrorism, Click Here .
I'll post some pics up to show u his designs.
some of his designs are selling fast, so if you love them and want to buy them, just place an order with me!
its pretty obvious to tell whether a person is much appreciated in a group of friends. To me, i think if they actually mention about you to others, be it in conversations, emails, or blogs. I think its quite sad that I did not make any good impressions for others to actually acknowledge my presence in their lives. I'll be those that will come and go and in 5 -10 yrs.. wont rem who i am, or at least would not garner that huge reaction when u see someone.
I wonder what have i done now and in the past to deserve to be in this state? Is it the way i treat pple, or how i approach pple? Have i been too insensitive, or just couldn't be bothered? Have i been too boring that no one can actually call me their good friend? Does it mean that I have my bf with me in australia, that I do not get called to join in for activities?
Am i destined to be an outkast for the rest of my life, what should one do to be accepted in a group with open arms, and constantly have an impact in their lives? Must I give presents, create laughter or do silly things just to make the people like me and appreciate me for who I am?
I always imagine... maybe i've said this before... what would pple say during my funeral. Things that they remember significantly or just the normal.. 'sharon has been a nice girl, friendly, etc....' I regard some pple as good friends, share with them my secrets and feelings, treat them with total respect, and support them in whatever they do... i dont seem to get pple doing the same to me.
I love you guys... i realy do... but do u feel the same for me? I wonder... i really do....
finally monday is coming to an end. Today has been a really lazy monday for me. Felt restless the whole day, but i managed to get my butt off to attend brand management tut. however!! i did not attend lecture again..... too boring.. yawn!
Came home, and thought i could do some exercise... but lazy me... well.. didn't! I think im gng to join the gym, not sure clayton or caufield, calculated it will cost me $34 per month till dec for gym membership. Am still considering fitness first membership, now that kevin has a car... might be easier to travel there, but money is still a concern. Oh well... need to shape up for SSAV... i want to look good! would it be possible to lose 3kg by then??
next week is gng to be the last week of school.... yeah!!!! but .... means i have to start to prepare for exams.... and if i continue to keep feeling restless... i'm gng to fail!!!! but till then.. i still have 1 presentation, 5 journals and 1 test to conquer! not really alot. but i have other things in mind for this week too.
This friday is kevin's bday, and i'm panicking, coz i'm stuck at what to get for him. I do have some things in mind, but i'm so scared i dont have the time to go get those things. Looks like it's gng to be last min again, what's new! I hope he has a good bday, since its the first time he's gng to celebrate without his family and friends. So i have to be really good to make his bday an enjoyable one.
it's been one of those best sundays i've had after easter break. Finally, went city today!! yes the well deserved distraction.. the smell of city life! Kevin drove to city today with his new car, my housemates daniel and kareen came along too. We went to church, took pic with the bishop.. ahah! machiam like tourists like that. Went vic mart, had the jam donuts, those are the must haves. Did the usual.. bought meat and fruits. WEnt lygon st to eat the gelato!! eheh.. the cute shopowners were telling us that they should open a shop in clayton.. ahah since it's so popular with clayton students too. It'll be great if they set up in clayton, no need to travel all the way to lygon just to eat the roche gelato!
Now... im home.. feeling a little tired and sian, coz sch starting again tom.. sigh... 2 more weeks and semester 1 is over! Man time really flies so fast... too fast actually.
American idol is coming up soon.. too bad i know who's out already.. but nope.. i wont spoil ya mood by tellin u who. No clues too.... just watch it... 3 songs per singer now.. it's gng to be enjoyable to watch..
gng to cook prawn paste chicken for dinner tonight, yummy... hehehe.... want some pple?
hmmm.. maybe i shld nap for a awhile before idol..... i'm such a pig! what's new rite??
okie.... hahah as u have all seen... i've added some pics on my blog... haha! Managed to find a way to upload pics... ahha! so proud of myself! Right now.. trying to put more things onto my blog, to make it more interesting. You know.. like renee's blog.. all nice and entertaining! ahah.. so... let me try if i can put an emoticon in this blog.. so mind me.. if u see some crap wordings! [img]http://users.pandora.be/eforum/emoticons4u/crazy/114.gif[/img]
Good afternoon. I woke up not too long ago... it's been awhile since i slept till this late.. miss my sleep so much! It's been an exciting day yesterday (friday). Kevin finally got his car... ha! well.... i'm happy he has the car already, can zoom zoom around, but i'm also worried.. coz wel... he doesn't have the licence to legally drive it. He's driving is not bad, just frightful at times, coz he doesn't really check his surroundings... quite stressful... ha! but he's still safe and slow, so thats good. Sorry to pressure so much!!
Well, this car is gng to change my lifestyle here, no more public transport..can go anywhere i want at any time... but then again, petrol is so expensive here.. it's like the same price in singapore. I hope it'll drop soon!!! He drove quite abit yesterday, hopefully he'll get use to it soon. Alot pple think its a good buy...ya.. it is... it's suppose to be a luxury car at time of manufacture, it's pretty smooth... just.. erm.. the exterior aint that nice. You'll know what i mean when you see it. Ha! But no worries, we're doing something to it..i hope.
Watched city sharks yesterday, it was not bad... funny... sheik haikel is da best! haha... Went Samuel and keith's place for bak ku teh too, jiarong cooked. Jiarong is such a good cook!!! REally!! the bak ku teh was yummy, his tang yuan was superb too. Yummmm..... Thanks Jiarong! Watched Memento at their place too... its a good film, unique storyline... takes a bit more to understand. Too bad i was pretty tired to concentrate..bu ti managed to get through it.
Oh ya... i've watched the WILLIAM HUNG'S latest mtv!!! SHE BANGs.. damn funny!! hahaha.. serious... u shld watch it.. if you can. It's really cool!!! :) hahaha
tonight there's a dinner date with josephy.. (mr lee from SIF) at.... SOFIA'S! yes... there again.. this time its at camberwell. Well.... its free food.. so i aint complaining. He's gng to tua kang again... i'm so sure abt that!! ha! what's new right.. I've warned the rest of the SSAV committee about him and his tua kangness, cannot take his word seriously. He's nice.. he's a good man.. but it'll be good if he can keep to his word... I hope!
Talking abt SSAV, well, the committee meetings had been fun, Jon is gng to be the HOST! co-host actually... with this other guy from mel- uni.. Honestly, I feel Jon is a better host, not because i know him and he's my friend, but he's wittier, quicker to give better comments, and definately have a better voice than the mel-uni guy. Only thing Jon lacks is confidence, and to control his nervousness. But i'm sure with much practice prior to the event, Jon will be good! I want this SSAV to be good, I want to make Clayton proud... not gng to be last in the list anymore! As long as i'm ard... clayton will be up there.!
Okok.... time to eat something now.. not hungry.. but i think i need to eat! ha! fat i say... I'M FAT! heheh and i need a hair cut soon.. okok i'm blabbering...byee...
oooo.... its been awhile since i've updated my blog... and my.. the blogger.com website's design has changed! hahaha... nicer i feel. cool....
Sorry guys.. for my erm...absence. Well, blame who or what? Okie.. i've had assignments due, been lazy too. Well, its everything add together i guess. Anyway.. since it's been so so long... i can't really remember what had happened.
Well.. had an assignment due today, wasn't really a rush for it.. but i feel it aint a good piece of Distinction work.. but cross fingers the presentation would be our saving grace. Had one assignment due last friday, and i know im so gng to not do well for that, it's 40%.. and i know i aint gng to do well for that at all. argh!!!
It's almost the end of week 10... in 3 weeks time sch ends, and it'll be exam period! This is like the fastest semester during my 1 over years here. I'm beginning to miss my experience and this place. I know I miss singapore... family, friends, food, warm weather, sweat.. cheap movies... etc... but melbourne and the people here would definately be one of the significant points in my life.
Last Friday i went to watch THE PRODUCERS with alvina, charmaine, renee, her bf, jon, andrew and ivan. I was a bit late... coz i overslept when i was napping, but thankfully i didn't miss much. I love the show... it was funny, witty, creative, and just plain spectacular. It's been awhile since I've watched a proper big musical. I feel the show had alot of meaning.... it's like an escapism of reality. I dont really know how to explain what i felt.. maybe coz i was looking forward to it, and when it's over... u feel... there's nothing to look forward to anything already.
Oh ya... forgot to mention... i've joined SSAV (SINGAPORE STUDENT ASSOCIATION OF VICTORIA). Well, main purpose of this SSAV committee is to organise an annual ball, like a singapore night kinda thing. I'm sponsorship officer, i thought this would be a really good way of boosting my resume, and meet people too, especially those big shots, like SIA, etc... This is how to start the network. Hope i would at least meet some people, and that i'll leave a good impression on them so that maybe.. just maybe.. they'll offer me a job.. hahah dream on! But i hope i'll do well in this committee... its big scale and i want to make it good and classy! Make Monash Clayton proud!!! :)
Okie... i gtg now... but i promise.. i'll try my best to update as often as i can. Till then... (hopefully tom) take care folks!
i am wondering.... what kind of friend am i to people around me, close ones and not so close ones. Also... why issit so hard to just get along or find conversation with some people? Even if i went forward to talk to people... some just answer me in a couple of sentences and then i have to ask another question. Okie... i feel i cannot hold a proper conversation with a particular someone, and sadly this someone is a girl. why has it always got to be a female!!! I get along well with guys.. always have.. since young till now... maybe I'm tom boyish enough to get along well...but I am very upset and frustrated I cannot talk to girls. I mean there are those exceptions whom I can talk about anything with them.... but there are just some pple whom i know can be a really good friend.. that i cannot seem to enter into their lives.
well.... i noticed this and feel strongly about this particular female. She's nice and all... but... she's just too... hmmm not as friendly towards me as how she would to other pple. You can see her face expression change instantly when she sees another female friend of hers... and when she sees me. Each time i speak in a group.... and i notice her face expression... it's that not interested look.
Not that im offended or what... but i feel not welcomed in your life. We walk side by side... and i have to be the one opening my mouth to talk to you.... and when i keep quiet... u keep quiet too. Haven't I tried to initiate something??? Or is it because I have not been around all that often.. that you feel I betrayed the friendship? Or is it i'm not fun enough for you that i feel pretty ostracised by you..
It's weirder to know that you're the only one treating me this way... everyone else is themself when i'm ard.. except you. It seems u choose who u want to be really friendly with... and i wonder.. what have i done to you to deserve such treatment.
Oh well..... u'll never know who you are... i just feel bloody sick of all these already!
its so cold out there!!!! shit man...... and the heater aint that strong!!! maybe its time to get another heater. sigh..... this is the negative side of living in a room where one whole side is filled with windows! so vulnerable... tomorrow's weather is gng to be very very cold too!!! windy with showers... thats like the ultimate coldness!!! argh!! so what if its gng to be 17 degrees.... it's the wind that kills! And me wanna head to clayton to buy some stuff... but see how the weather is like first. If only i have a car... wont have to worry a thing!!!
Anyway... i shouldn't have bothered to go school at all today.... as usual.. tut and lecture were boring.. left halfway durin lecture.. coz i really dont understand what that fellow is talkin abt. Oh well... i'm screwed for the exam then.... 60%!!! I've got to get my act together soon!!! I cannot waste any more time and be restless anymore!!! It's week 9.. and soon it'll be exam week.... argh..... shit man... maybe having 3 day week aint that good.. coz u aint motivated to study at all. And i cannot afford to wake up late already.... its crazy!!! its just like suddenly u keep wakin up so late... half of my day gone just like that. I think the weather plays a part.. but also my lack of exercise!!!
Shit man i have to get some sweat moving... i'm like a bloody pig waiting to keep growing fatter at the butt! argh!!!! i cannot afford to be lazy anymore.! but where can i find that will power, that motivation, that enthusiacism, that positive energy, and that focus to do things right! shit man.... i'm procrastinating big time!!!!!
sigh.... alrite for a gd start... im gng to sleep early today (1.20am)... no more oversleeping.. and being lazy already...!!! pple be my witness!!! scold me if u see me lazing and procrastinating!! OKAY?? PLEASE??? sigh..... like so easy to do like that!
okok.... me gng to sleep... i'll force myself... I NEED OPRAH!!!
I'm in the mood for lyrics of some good songs i like to listen too. Here's one of them... from Gladys Knight.
I think its a good song about remembering the good old days! I'm sure many of us look back and see how our lives were like in the past, and how we have changed and evolve into what we are today. The music to this song is very nice too. :)
Title: Way We Were Try To Remember
Hey you know everybody's talkin' about the good old days
Everybody the good old days
The good old days
Well, let's talk about the good old days
Come to think about it
As bad as we think they are
These will become the good old days of our children
Why don't we try to remember
The kind of September
When life was slow and oh so mellow
Try to remember
And if you remember
Then follow
Why does it always seem the past is better
We look back and think
The winters were warmer
The grass was greener
The skies were bluer
The smiles were brighter
Can it be that it was all so simple then
Or has time rewritten every line
And if we had the chance to do it all again
Tell me
Would we?
Could we?
Memories like the corners of my mind
Memories
Misty watercolor memories
Of the way we were
Scattered pictures of the smiles we left behind
Smiles we gave to one another
For the way we were
Oh can it be that it was all so simple then
Or has time rewritten every line
And if we had the chance to do it all again
Tell me
Would we?
Could we?
Memories may be beautiful and yet
What's too painful to remember
We simply choose to forget
So it's the laughter we'll remember
We'll remember
Whenever we remember
The Way We Were...
oh ya..... forgot to mention, i didn't get the job. yesh... i knew it! oh well... i really hope i can find a job soon!!! argh!!!!
just watched brother bear.... such a heart-warming show. I actually cried.. so it must be really touching! I kinda miss crying... at least i know i still have some emotions and feelings.
listening to jay chou song now... titled Tornado (long quan fong).. shit man.. i really love his songs, especially the ballads. They are so sentimental and romantic. I wish i can sing the whole song, so i can truly understand what he's singing about. I miss karaoke!!!! hahaha marcus (a friend) sings this song almost every time we got karaoke.. and jenson (another friend) would try his very best to read the words and sing it. I miss those days... so much fun...! I think kevin would back me up on that.
I guess i'm feeling very sentimental now.... since jay chou songs are so touching.. hahaha! I had a good weekend, valerie came down, so that gave alvina and myself a chance to head to the city to meet her. But coz valerie came with friends and was stayin at her friend's friend place, so she couldn't decide what time we can meet and all. So alvina and myself decided to just use this opportunity to catch up with each other, since we haven't really hanged out as much as last time already. We headed to the dan dan mien shop, to eat the red bean pancake and the guo tie. We really talked and chatted alot, it was just really catching up on good old times. We shared alot of things, i just felt we needed this chance to talk to each other. I really enjoyed our chit chat session... we haven't had much time to just sit down and chat.. coz she's busy with her new life, and i have kevin ard as well.... simply.. life was not the same as last yr.
But after our chats yesterday, I felt i have not lost a friend... and i know alvina does value our friendship and my presence. It just felt right.... and comfortable to know that. We even went back to our fav toilet to do our stuff... ha!
Basically... this whole week has been great! I hanged with my friends after the kill billl vol 2 show.. kevin went back to his home to finish an assignment, so that left me some time to catch up with my friends. I felt this would be the perfect balance. To have friends and boyfriend ard u... and stay happy.
Val's visit to melbourne also made it good for me.... its nice seeing her again after so long... i think it's almost a yr??? She's still her chirpy self... haha! That girl... wore 4 layers!!!! she think its winter ah!!! ahha and i wore 2 layers only, and inside it was my "f***" tee.. ahha. Coz she was with her friends... didn;t really have an opportunity to have a good catch up session with valerie... but hopefully she comes back soon and this time for a longer time.. she's here like from sat to mon only!! too short!
Anyway... i found out some bad news... and it was shocking to me... really shocking, and again i was one of the last to know. I didn't believe the news i heard. I thought they could go on strong... seeing how in love they are... and how much they care for each other. It's not just one couple.. its 2 couples... I wish i wouldn't hear such things, coz i know how painful it would be. One conclusion though..... why be in a relationship when u know u will end up hurting the person u claim u love??? I know its still the "im young" reason... but come on.... its still not right...!!! But again.. i'm in no position to comment.. and i would b bias too. However..here's what i have to say.... Make up your mind what u want in your lives, to continue to be in denial that you have plenty more time ahead.. i say bull shit to that, everything that happens now, will affect our future. You can only play that much now..... 22 gng on 23... 21 gng on 22... i mean.... once ya out there... u'll be struggling to survive. Don't regret... coz u wanna play...that's your fault. Once it's gone.. its gone... there's no such thing as being weak anymore. People do move on.. and its proven. You make your own shit, not others. U deal with your own shit, not others. U fail... not others. Pick up the right pieces and make something gd out of it??? try i say.
Okie.. maybe i aint making sense now.... but it's just bits and pieces coming out of my little brain. We are humans afterall... we have feelings....every action, every decision, every comment, every movement affects not only you... but others too.... remember.... we affect people... people affect us. Do something right for once......and things will definately go the right path with that first right step!
okie i shld stop coz im blabber on towards nonsense. till tom... gd nite
