i wonder what's the real deal about writing blogs. To talk about daily activities or thoughts and emotions on issues that matter personally? Well...... i guess for me... i'll try to write about my personal thoughts. Honestly, i keep quite a bit to myself, not many really know what i'm thinking or go through as a person now. I mean, i may look friendly, upset, black face, rude, hostile, happy, smiley... but honestly... am i what i am when i show these expressions? Well, i always like to think i'm a simple person hoping for a simple life. But time and time again, life obstacles and daily situations doesn't make me so. I slowly think I have some internal conflicts with myself. Like.... i'm too sensitive to many things around me. Like words said, or attitudes/actions towards me... i somehow have negative thoughts to those. For example, there are occassions where i feel some people just dont really like talking to me, simply becoz they are different in approach when they speak to other people. It's like they prefer to talk to others than to me. And i'll notice the whole face expression or eye contact, most will avoid eye contact with me or tend to look at other people they want to. Like i said... maybe i'm too sensitive, or maybe it's me that people just dont like to talk to me or for that matter chit chat with me.
This will then lead me to think is it becoz i dont make them feel I am someone they can chit chat with. Or was it on certain occassions where i was rude to them or said some insensitive things in reply. Or maybe i just dont have that attraction to draw people to me. Is this why I'm not good in keeping friends or for that matter stay in close contact with them? Or am i destined to be a loner for life. Loner as in someone who has limited friends. Kevin did mention one thing that really make me think how i am as a friend. He said (paraphrasing) that so what if i have more friends than him, how many do i really stay in contact with? Its true that in amounts I have more people on my friends list than him, but i meet up with only less than 1/10 of the group. Comparing to him, where he still tries to keep in contact with some people, regardless of how long they have not met.
One other thing on why i dont seem to be a draw, may be becoz i aint good at creating conversations or just be in a conversation. There are times i just dont like to talk, or i find it difficult (unlike many other people i know) to find topics to talk about. I aint as bubbly or animated as some of my friends, and that amazes me, as i was not like that when i was in sec sch... i had loads to say... loads to play...i mean.... i could be the clown of the group. but now...... sigh.... i've changed in this manner.
In fact, i dont even have the habit to pick up the phone and just call people to chit chat..... neither do i have proper conversations online as compared to the past. Maybe coz i've distanced myself from my friends.... maybe ... i dont know.
Maybe if i took a different path somewhere in my life... i wouldn't even be having these thoughts. but then again... its too late to turn back time. but i do hope... as i grow more.... i can still change my lifestyle, mannerism, actions, and most importantly be someone i used to be when i was still young.
The time now is 12.30pm... waiting for parents to come pick me up to go have lunch and then off to the m'sian embassy to collect my new passport. After collection, is off to s'pore and australian embassy to show them my new passport. so leychey..... sigh.... but nevermind... get to leave this ever so quiet office of mine. After all those stuff, i'm off to meet kevin (sick boy today), maybe catch a movie (haven't even seen last samurai!!) have dinner... but i want to do most is to go shopping!!! but damn pay aint in yet!!! argh!!!! nvm.... tahan for the weekend... then go big shopping spree next week! got to but all those cheap winter clothings now before i head back to melbourne. Now there's sale... clearance sale for those last season's clothes... so good for me... hee!
Well, it's been a quick week for me.. somehow time passing really fast, maybe coz i really have things to do in the office thats why time pass damn fast. Whole office is out of singapore, they went Korea for a ski trip (so lucky!), so i thought i would have nothing to do, and life in office for this week will be so boring!! but never did i expect them to throw so much work to me!! all those invitation cards and labelling, even the mailmen are scared to see me!! hahaha/....shld see their faces man!
well, at least i've mananged to finish almost all of it, suffered some paper cuts, but i'm glad it's almost done. Will continue next monday.
Now i'm hungry!!! getting hungry very easily now... shit... gonna put on more weight... sigh...... met miss seah yesterday with the other SAM people + friends, and she lost 4 kg!! Lucky girl..... well she's been exercising what.!! i havent.... yes... lazy me. nevermind... will go back to kick boxing when i'm back in melbourne.
talking about melbourne, well... i'm not so keen of gng back, i think i really prefer singapore, but then again, maybe coz i havent found a place to stay yet, and knowing i can't stay with my boyfriend and not able to stay with my friends. Yesterday, renee and alvina were already planning what to do at their new home, what to decorate, what to cook, what to play?? sigh.... i play no part in that conversation anymore. There's this feeling of feeling left out, one whole big group staying together (their even neighbours of janelle (sam's president), so lucky.
But I dont blame them for being so enthusiatic abt moving into a house, i could have if i didnt decide to move. I guess thats consequences of life decisions. You make one, u have to accept it. U own ur own shit, others don't. Well, if i stayed with kevin, maybe i wont feel so bad, but then my parents don't allow, i really wonder why too, they say they trust me but they dont allow me. It's weird.. but they are still my parents and i have to respect that. Its so hard if parents create that barrier for u. Honestly, i envy those whose parents are more open in thinking, more modern in that sense... too bad i'm born in a family of tradition, where the elders say one no one dares say two... oh well.... life is so funny sometimes.
anyway..... i gtg now... parents coming to fetch me soon.... hope u enjoy my first blog.... !more to come!
alright! finally thought its time to be here..... next big thing after friendster???? well... i'm not a person who writes entries abt my life or things happening around me.. but i guess i'll give it a try. One thing for sure these entries will be honest and truthful, might hurt some people's feelings, might offend some people... might even make some smile. I don't know what the outcome will be...just hope everyone appreciates the entries. Well sit back and enjoy the life of me! :)
